＊＃！＆＊non-teckies

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."  
Customer "Ok."  
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"  
Customer: "No."  
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"  
Customer "No."  
Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this  
point?"  
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."  
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Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."  
Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"  
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"  
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Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."  
Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."  
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."  
Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."  
Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."  
Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."  
Customer:: "What?"  
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"  
Customer: "No..."  
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Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"  
Tech Support:: ?!%#$  
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Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"  
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"  
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Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"  
Customer:: "A white one."  
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Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."  
Customer:: "How do you spell that?"  
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Tech Support: "Is your computer on a separate telephone line?"  
Customer: "No." (clicks the button to log on to our service)  
Tech Support:: "Well then we can't-"  
Customer:: "It says 'no dial tone'."  
Tech Support: "That's because you're on the line with me right now. You need to-"  
Customer:: "No, that's not it. It does this all the time. I just have to try a few times, and it will let me through."  
Tech Support:: "No, ma'am. It's not even trying to dial right now because you're on the phone with me."  
Customer: "It must be busy. I'll try again later."  
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Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"  
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."  
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Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"  
Customer: "entium."  
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Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."  
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Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."  
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Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"  
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Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly."  
Tech Support: "What does it say?"  
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."  
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"  
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."  
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Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."  
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"  
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Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"  
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."  
Tech Support:: "Well?"  
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"

Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"  
Tech Support:: ?!%#$  
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Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"  
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"  
I LOVE THESE TWO THE MOST, SO FUNNY.